Photos: Madison Bergevin
I had a very different birth experience with Brynlee. I decided around 25 weeks that I wanted to try and have her unmedicated! At first I thought I was crazy, but the thought kept creeping up in my mind and I couldn’t shake it.
I didn’t have a TERRIBLE experience getting an epidural and a little pitocin with Lexi, but there were parts I didn’t enjoy. Overall though, I am content with the way it all happened with my first birth. I was overwhelmed enough with the 'newness' and unknowns of the situation that doing it naturally didn't even cross my mind. But going into it the second time around, there were a few things I wanted to be different. I wanted to eat and drink and labor at home, I wanted to feel how to push so that I didn't tear quite as much... I wanted to see if I could do it without interventions. (And lots of other reasons.) Maybe part of me wanted to give Brynlee a special gift since my heart had already transformed into a momma heart with the birth of Lexi.
I switched from an OB/GYN to a midwife, started the Hypnobabies home study program, read some amazing books (The Gift of Giving Life and Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth), and consumed all the natural birth stories and videos I could. It was a 180 for me; a decision I never saw myself making… But I’m so glad I did!
[Please know that by sharing my experience, I in no way want to discount anyone else’s, no matter how their delivery story unfolded. This was something that I felt was such a personal choice for ME, but birth in any way is a beautiful thing!]
There I was AGAIN, overdue with a baby girl in June. I went to my 41 week appointment on Friday morning, June 16th. The midwife told me that I was only 3cm dilated and 70% effaced. I had progressed since 39 weeks (1-2cm, 50% effaced). So while I was happy SOMETHING was happening, I couldn’t help being disappointed that it wasn’t happening sooner. We set up an induction date for Thursday, June 22nd (the latest they would let me go). She stripped my membranes and sent me on my way.
Saturday morning at around 3:45am I was woken up by a contraction. I got Braxton Hicks starting week 24 or so, and had felt a few stronger ones the last few days, but this was a little different. I timed them for an hour or so and they were about 7 minutes apart! I tried to rest as much as I could but laying down didn’t feel good. I was hoping this was IT, and adrenaline started rushing through me, so of course I couldn’t sleep any longer. Luckily my parents decided to come down Friday night for the weekend so they were already here! I texted my mother-in-law what was happening and she started to come from St. George. My original photographer was currently out of town so I reached out to a good friend, Madi, who is pregnant and lives in Utah… Her and her husband were so sweet and had expressed their willingness to drive to Las Vegas at any signs of labor. So I texted her and they started their drive down. (I know she loves me but I’m so glad I live in a place where there’s also a Shake Shack ;). You da best Madi!)
After a few hours, the contractions started only coming every 10-12 minutes apart. WHAT!!! I had thought it HAD to be the day. I was walking around, bouncing on the ball, trying to get them to come faster but they stayed there pretty consistently all day. I was starting to get very impatient. I started to think that maybe she wouldn’t come this weekend and all these people were here for no reason! But everyone assured me it was ok and we decided to play some games to keep my mind off of things. I sat bouncing on the exercise ball while we played a few rounds of Five Crowns. Then, at 9:30pm- IT HAPPENED. With a little *pop* my water broke! I had NOT been expecting that!! I sat there, in shock, and everything started moving in slow motion. Everyone started moving around me, freaking out, saying that we need to go to the hospital… My dad kept trying to move me off the ball, water still gushing, and I just said, “GUYS, I’m ok. It’s going to be ok. Just give me a mintue!!!” I may have yelled? Haha!
I went upstairs to shower off and finish packing our bags (WHY had I not done more to pack? Haha). Logan came up with me. I started having way harder contractions, a lot closer together. We called L&D to let them know my water broke. For some reason, I had it in my head that I didn’t need to go to the hospital just yet, that I could try and labor at home for longer. Logan asked, “So how long before we REALLY need to get the hospital?” and the nurse, confused, replied, “Umm…. Where else are you going to go?” Haha! But we didn’t need to wait long until I had a few really good ones 4 minutes apart. So we hurried and got ready to go.
We got in the car and I turned on one of the Hypnobabies tracks to help me get through the ride there. I was worried about being in labor in the car!! But it helped me relax to the point where I don’t really remember ANY of the car ride. We got there at 11pm. They checked me and I was at 7cm! I can remember barely even being able to get into the hospital bed.
I had looked up all these labor positions and thought I’d love to be moving around... but that wasn't the case. I tried different positions a few times but had a difficult time moving around. I stayed on the bed on my back the majority of the time. My back was where I felt it the most, I think because she was posterior she was hitting my back pretty hard.
During the really crazy close contractions, I had a hard time relaxing and using the Hypnobabies techniques I practiced. One of the only things that helped was having my mom or Logan push hard on my forehead. My mom also pushed one spot on my back that REALLY helped. I wouldn’t let her get far from my side.
And oh my gosh… Logan did SO AMAZING as my birth partner! Honestly, I didn’t know how he would react seeing me in pain. He had also expressed concerns about not knowing what to do or say to help me… But he went above and beyond! I could not bear to have him away from me. If he tried getting me water, I would reach out and try to tell him to come back. After a little bit, I had to grab him and hold onto his neck and shoulders, him bending over, us face to face. I’m pretty sure that position was not a comfortable one for him, and that he probably had sore muscles and bruises, but he did it. He breathed through the contractions with me, and helped me remember to moan low. He talked to me about all the amazing memories we’ve had with Lexi and all the things we have to look forward to with this new babe…and would kiss me at the right moments. It sounds cheesy, but those kisses helped me relax immensely! And after a while we totally got in a zone. It was just us in there. It was so special and sacred. Even though I was in pain, I’d never felt closer to Logan than during that time.
In my avid reading of other women's birth stories, I found that many of them recounted a moment during labor where they did not think they could do it anymore. But from each of those accounts, I also learned that they were all so close to pushing at the point where they felt that. I knew this could possibly happen to me, but it's so different being in that situation yourself. I DID get to the point, where I started to convince myself that it was too hard. That I wasn't strong enough. That I couldn't do it. I asked for demerol, but of course the nurse told me, “Oh honey, we’re WAY beyond that point”. I shouldn't have been surprised! Besides needing the help from Logan and my mom, I needed added strength from Heaven. I prayed to Heavenly Father that I could get through this part. I kept repeating in my head that this pain would not last forever, and it was almost over! I pictured this white light pouring down on me, bathing me in its warmth and love, helping me get through transition.
The pain in my back dissipated, and I felt like I needed to push. They checked me and I was complete! They got me ready to deliver. When the next contraction came, I started pushing. I was SO relieving in a way, to push through the contractions. It was a different kind of pain- and from the pictures, looks so much more intense- but I enjoyed it way more. I think it was almost like the contractions were happening TO me, and pushing felt like I was actually doing something and had more control in the matter. I pushed through three contractions, and she was out!! It was the most exhilarating feeling in the world. She was born at 12:47am (on Father's Day!!), not even 2 hours after we got to the hospital. 7lbs, 10oz and 21 3/4 inches long. They placed her on my chest and I just remember all the pain being replaced with joy and love.
After things started to settle down and the doctor and nurses trickled out of the room, I glanced around at my sweet husband, mother, mother-in-law, and friend to see them looking utterly exhausted… But I wasn’t. I was experiencing the BIGGEST natural high of all time! I didn’t feel tired at all. Sleep? What? How? I can’t sleep after THAT! Logan says I kept saying, “I could do that again! I’m definitely doing that with the next one!” I really did feel so empowered, like I could conquer the world!
Not only that, I had a BEAUTIFUL, dark-haired baby girl in my arms! With Lexi it was all these new emotions that I didn’t know how to handle, and it overwhelmed me in that moment. But with Bryn I was looking forward to it, and it just seemed familiar. My heart grew, just like I knew it would.
To give birth in ANY way if life-changing, earth-shattering, momentous. Becoming a mother, whether for the first time or the fourteenth time, is powerful. For me, giving birth to Brynlee without medical interventions was an intensely spiritual, empowering, and defining moment in my life. It has brought me closer to Logan and my Savior, taught me so much about myself, and given me beautiful memories that will never leave me. And for that I will be eternally grateful.
